Suzzanne Carlson

MY STORY

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Forward

1) Maroa

2) Hollywood

3) Decatur

4) Okeechobee

5) Spunky Pre-Teen

6) Freshman Year

7) Sophomore Year

8) Junior Year

9) Senior Year

10) After School

11) Failure to Insanity

12) Half Way Down

13) Darkest of Times

14 Was this a light?

15) Where Are YOU?

16) The Road Back!

17) New Adventures

18) Comfort Zone!

19) Goin' Truckin'!

20) Life after Wealth!

21) Til Death do us Part!

Dedications



Freshman Year

I had gotten to be friends with a couple of people in church, so when I got to the high school I wasn't totally alone. I had my friends from Basswood, the community we lived in, and then friends from previous school years. Of course different surroundings led to meeting a lot of new people too.

Mr Z, while it didn't make the upper classmates happy, had agreed to bring me into the Madrigals, but once they realized I was a really strong Alto they let it go. There was only two other Alto's and neither of them were strong. I never needed anything to amplify my voice, so I actually had to tone it down, so I didn't stand out, I had to really learn to blend.

I was also in the regular choir, which really needed help, so I tried to get as many of my friends to join as I could. We needed another Tenor, and I knew Frank had a good voice and was a Tenor, so I talked him into joining. We were not a couple at the time, just good friends.

It didn't take me long to find teacher who would appreciate having an aide. Remember, I don't do Study Hall. I usually and a couple of teachers lined up to do work for, usually making 'ditto' copies. I really loved that 'ditto' machine. We had some thermal imaging machines as well, all precurors to the copiers we use today.

It was the early 70's and we were still having growing pains from the desegregation movement. The Blacks didn't like being with the Whites and some of the Cowboys really did not like them being there either. I didn't understand any of that. Even at 14 I didn't understand what all the fuss was about.

It had been rumored that there was going to be a riot. I didn't know what that meant, but I wasn't worried. I didn't bother anyone, so didn't expect anyone to bother me. I was running around for some teachers when the trouble started. Lots of yelling and screaming and girls running like they were on fire. I was outside the Library when this big guy came up on me with his big belt buckle raised ready to hit me with it, when this boy I had known from Jr High came between us.

His name was Robert, and we had done some singing, and plays together in lower grades. He told the big guy to leave me alone, I was OK. He backed off and Robert told me to go stay in the Library until he came back for me. I like the Library, so that was okay.

I don't know how long it lasted, or how it ended, but Robert came back and told me it was all clear, and I went back to work. The rest of the day was tense, but there wasn't any more trouble.

One of the boys from Church Edwin, was in my Math Class. I didn't recognize him at first, he was sitting down whenever I came into class. When he stood up, he was 6'3" tall. I was 5'5". His sister Kat was 6'8" in the 10th grade. Edwin finally asked me if I was ignoring him, and I had to admit I didn't realize it was him. We started dating after that.

I think it bothered Frank that I had a boy friend, and a guy he didn't know. He started hanging around more and more. Trying to get me into his crowd. I kinda turned it around on him, and told him to come to church with me. He did, he joined and then when Edwin and I broke up, for what ever reason, Frank moved in again.

It was around this time we had moved to another street in the community. I really liked this house. I was really getting into the church and Dad was not totally happy with that. We had some pretty deep conversations about it, and he finally agreed that it couldn't hurt for me to go to church.

Frank started spenng more and more time at our house and My Dad was okay with us being around each other. He wasn't going to let me 'date' until I was 16, but it was okay for us to go to school dances together, and church activities and such.

I spent a lot of time in town with Janie and Skip and the kids, which is where I did most of my church study. Janie had been pregnant again, and lost twins. I stayed and helped with the others while she was going through some tough depression. She did that a lot. Skip was always working or doing something for the Church, so he wasn't really 'there' for her.

I never saw Dad go to church and it had been years since I had seen Mom in a church. It never really bothered me, after all, they were grown up they made their own choices, as long as they let me make mine, I was good with it.

Down the street from our house was a guy who drove a big truck. (18 wheeler). He had a Black German Shepard that I was just in love with. I didn't have a really good hiding place there, so I spent a lot of time wandering around in the thick bushes around the house. When I struck up a conversation with George about his Dog, we started talking and when he would come home and take the dog for a walk we would talk.

Dad didn't like me talking to this Truck Driver, and didn't want me going anywhere near his house when he was home. I was not even allowed to go down and talk to his Mom who was alone when he was off on the Truck. I didn't understand it, and in so many ways I still don't, but I was forbidden to have anything to do with him.

George had a brother, who came to live with him and his mom. His brother was my age and had been living in Illinois with his Father. He came to live here and to finish school here. It was kinda nice having someone else my own age on the block. Dad Had a cow. Not only was I not allowed to have anything to do with George, but his brother was doubly off limits. I was not even allowed to stand on the same side of the road that he was on while waiting for the school bus. If he wanted to go to a Church event, I wasn't allowed to go. It was really crazy, and I never understood it. (I kinds figured things out later, but the only time I have ever known my Father to be wrong, was about George's Brother).

Debbie married Buster in April. I was a brides made. I liked Buster, but I guess I was a little jealous. I was losing my big sister. He promised me they weren't going anywhere.

I don't remember exactly what Dad and I had a fight about, something silly I am sure, but I was angry with him. I was in one of my hiding places, and told God sometimes I wished I had been the one that died at birth. I went to sleep that night and had a dream.

At first I thought it was Debbie all dressed in white and I asked her why she was dressed like that, She said 'Susie, I am not Debbie, I am Linda. I want to tell you not to be angry with Daddy. You have had him all these years, and he loves you, but soon, he is going to come be with me. Enjoy the time you have left with him.' and then she was gone.

I woke up and thought what a silly dream that was. About a week later, Frank had been playing around with Tarot cards and did a reading for me. He turned over a card, looked hard at it and put it back in the deck. I told him I was pretty sure that was not the way it was done, that card was part of my reading. He didn't want to tell me it was the death card. He finally said that someone close to me was going to die. I laughed.

Two weeks later, Dad was diagnosed with Bone Cancer. The next few months were pure hell. I knew I had gotten a message from both God and Satan. There was no way I could deny what I had been told.

Don't give up on me now, life is just starting to get interesting. Follow me now to my Sophomore Year




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