Suzzanne Carlson

MY STORY

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Forward

1) Maroa

2) Hollywood

3) Decatur

4) Okeechobee

5) Spunky Pre-Teen

6) Freshman Year

7) Sophomore Year

8) Junior Year

9) Senior Year

10) After School

11) Failure to Insanity

12) Half Way Down

13) Darkest of Times

14 Was this a light?

15) Where Are YOU?

16) The Road Back!

17) New Adventures

18) Comfort Zone!

19) Goin' Truckin'!

20) Life after Wealth!

21) Til Death do us Part!

Dedications



Sophomore Year

After Dad got sick, Frank and I didn't see much of each other. We broke up, and I got to know a guy in my science class that turned out, had a crush on me. His name was Jeff and I figured, with the class we were in, he was another 'nerd'. He was a nice guy, so we started dating.

He came from a more middle class family. His Mom didn't like me much. I wasn't good enough for her little boy, and she let me know that as often as she could. Never really being direct, just acting like it.

Jeff introduced me to a whole different group of people, some that I never would have met with out him. They were not 'nerds' like I was used to hanging with, they were more 'preppies'.

A lot of them were in my Humanities class, so it didn't take much for me to join in their group. I had gotten away from Franks crowd and was trying to grow in a different direction.

I had joined the Journalism club, but the only column they needed covered was the sports column. Remember the 5th grade??? Not my favorite subject, but Jeff was on the wrestling team, so it gave me a good excuse to be at his matches. Baseball was okay, but football was so out of my league. Needless to say, I didn't make any huge impressions on the school newspaper, however, one of my fellow student reporters felt the need to send me to talk to his father, who was the Editor of the Okeechobee News which was, at the time, a once a week publication.

I went in to talk to him, his son had provided him with some articles, and he said he could tell that sports was just not my thing, however, he saw something in my writing style that he felt tugged by.

He asked if I could write a column about anything, what would I write about. Man, did I feel lost. I couldn't think of anything, then, quietly, I heard a small voice way in the back of my head say, 'write a fishing column.' What??? Where did that come from??? Then the voice said, 'Dad is Uncle Bill the Great Lake Okeechobee Speck fisherman, everyone knows him'. SOOOOO I looked the Editor squarely in the eye and I said, FISHING! He laughed, and he said that was really funny, they had just been talking in meetings about adding a fishing column, This was Okeechobee after all, and we ARE KNOWN for fishing. BUT he said, what do you know about fishing. I told him about Dad, how everyone knew him, and he would be my news source.

He said, 'you have one week to show me a story, if I like it you get a by line'. In the Newspaper business a by line at that time was a really big thing. It got your name out there.

When I told Dad about the article, you would have thought I gave him a gold medal. He was so excited that he went out and bought me a Polaroid camera, (depending on your age, you might know what that was) and I was off getting information for my first Article. The article measured 3.5 printed inches and had 3 photos of Fisherman's Catches, NOT ONE of my Dad.

I had my byline, complete with my picture as Cookie's Fishing Column. I went fishing with my Dad every chance I got, and interviewed countless fisherman.

One day we went into a bait and tackle snack bar, and there were a couple of guys sitting at the counter talking about the fishing column in the newspaper. My Dad was beaming. One guy said he didn't know how that little lady knew where the fish were but she was sure spot on. The other guy laughed and said he was sure right about that, and the picture wasn't bad to look at either.

Dad wandered up to the counter, put his hand on the guys shoulder, and of course they recognized him as Uncle Bill. He looked at them as said, easy guys, that little lady you are talking about is my 15 year old Daughter. Their faces were stark white, Dad smiled and said, it's okay boys, she's right here. They were all smiles. They were more than happy to let me interview them.

Dad was getting Chemo Therapy and Radiation Treatments. He was sick all the time. He didn't go fishing much anymore, so I had to rely on phone calls for my column.

It was around March that he said he wanted to go back to Illinois. He said he wanted to go hunting in the snow, one more time. I think he just wanted to go back and say good-bye to his family.

I had to make a choice to go with Mom and Dad, or to stay here and finish out the school year. I would be staying with Janie and Skip if I stayed. I was auditioning for the school play. We were doing Oklahoma, I wanted to be Ado Anne.

The Choir was going to District Competition, I had a solo. I was excited. I used these two events to help me know what God wanted me to do. If I got the part of Ado Anne, or If I got recommended for State Competition, I would stay.

I was 16 and pretty used to taking care of myself. Mom and Dad didn't care much what I did as long as I wasn't getting into trouble. Skip on the other hand, said we had not discussed if I was even going to be allowed to be in the school play, or go to state competition. That really made up my mind for me. He WAS NOT going to change the way I lived my life. I didn't get the part, and I didn't get recommended for state, so in April I went with Mom and Dad to Illinois.

We left before I could get my year book, so Frank said he would pick it up for me and have everyone sign it. He set it to me, with a really sweet poem he had written, which I promptly memorized. (I have forgotten most of it now). It was really touching.

We were in Decatur from April to September. Before we left here the temperature was so hot for April. I kept thinking about the lake at the bottom of the hill from the house we were moving to. (It was my Mom's Fathers house). I thought I would jump right in the water when we got there. I didn't realize it was just early spring there, and that there would still be snow on the ground. I thought I would freeze.

School was a nightmare and kinda good all at the same time. The school building I was supposed to go to was just up the hill from the house, and I could have walked. There was a rail road that ran behind the school and this being an industrial area, the tracks were often used for car storage. There was a Propane tanker stored there, and I have no idea how, but it exploded. Totally took out the back half of the school, and did damage to buildings for miles.

The school board had devised a way that we could share school space with a school in town. We did split sessions, and I was really glad our school had the late session. I didn't have to be to school until 11:00 am. I was in heaven.

It was so late in the school year (only 6 weeks left), and they were so far ahead of the schools in Florida, that I could never catch up with them. Most of the teachers understood that, so even if I should have failed, they passed me with a D.

I met some great friends, but I was so depressed and home sick I just didn't want to do much of anything. Church was the only thing I really enjoyed.

I got a partime job for a while, working at as a 'Curb Hop', for a 'Dog n Sud's'. I just wanted to make some extra money to help out around the house. It wasn't a lot, but it helped. I didn't work long, I didn't really have to, and there was a lot of church activities I was missing out on.

We spent a lot of time at my Brothers house. When we went to their house to eat, Mother expected me to do the dishes after dinner. I hated Dishes, but I loved my Mom, so I did the dishes. (I will come back to this).

Sonnie worked at a car lot, and got Mom a good deal on a Lincoln Continental, her favorite car, and he got Dad a little Volkswagon Station wagon. It was stick shit, and when Dad felt up to it, he would take me out for a driving lesson. It was fun driving it, and the hills didn't bother me at all.

The church group planned a trip to Palmyra New York for a passion pageant. I really wanted to go but we just didn't have the money. The Bishop talked to some of the other members, and they all pitched in and paid for my trip. They even made sure I had spending money.

We stopped in Kirtland, OH and visted the first temple built by the church. It was inspiring when we read the stories about it's construction.

From Kirtland we went to Niagra Falls, and crossed over the Canadian side. The one and only time in my life I have been outside the US. And that was only into the gift shop of the other side. We were there for maybe an hour. Niagra Falls was awesome, and I was so glad I got to see it.

From there it was up to Palmyra, where we spent a couple of days. The Spirit there was so strong, and the pageant was breath taking. It was a memory of a lifetime, and I could truly feel the energy of the Holy Ghost all around the hill.

Here is where I back track. The night before we were to leave for the pageant, Sonnie and Karen came for a cook out. My Dad never cooked that he didn't make a huge mess. I was trying to pack, and get everyting together for the trip, and I had to be up by 5am to be ready to leave when they came to pick me up.

Sonnie and Dad cooked steaks out on the grill, and we had all the fixin's, baked beans, potato salad, dinner rolls, and the Kitchen was a mess. Dad told me I could not go to bed, until the kitchen was completely clean. No one even helped clear the table. I was so angry that Karen didn't help that I just cried, the whole time I was doing dishes. I will come back to this later as well.

Shortly after the pageant trip, we went to Mom's sister's (Aunt Vera) cabin in Minnesota. It was on a lake and the water was so cold. It felt good though and I swam every day. My cousin Jeannie and her Husband Jim were there, and I got along great with them. One night Jim taught me a relaxation technique, that I still use today. I slept really good that night.

The next day Dad had rowed out to the middle of the lake to fish. We were sitting inside the cabin, and I thought I heard him yelling, so I ran out to the end of the dock, and he was coming back in with only one oar. I ran in and told Mom something was wrong with Dad.

He had caught a fish, pulled up on the pole to set the hook and his collar bone snapped. He was in so much pain. We were going to stay for a whole month, but we cut the trip short to bring him back to the hospital in Decatur.

I told Mom I could help her drive home, it was a long way, took us over night. She was so tired she was falling asleep at the wheel, but she refused to let me drive her car. She actually made Dad drive, and he was in so much pain. He didn't complain though, he just asked me to sit with him, so I did.

They really could not do anything for him in the hospital, so they taped him up and sent him home. We called Debbie and Buster, they flew up and we all drove back to Florida. Mom Still would not let me drive, even the Volkswagon.

I hated leaving my friends in the Church. It was so much different there than in Okeechobee. I felt really accepted there. We left after our youth group meeting on Wednesday, and they had a suprise going away party for me. Of course I cried.

School had already started in Okeechobee by the time we got back, so I just picked up like I had not even been gone. Jeff was glad to see me when we got back, and we started dating again. It only Lasted until January, when his Mother finally put her foot down, and made him break up with me. We had a good time while it lasted.

I did not get along with the people on the school bus, and Frank had a car, so he came and picked me up for school. Dad asked me what Jeff thought about that, and I remember telling him it didn't matter what he thought, he didn't have a car, and I was NOT going to ride that bus.

Mom got a job and a retirement home in the afternoon, so I had to come straight home from school and take care of Dad. By now he was totally bed ridden. I hid out in my room a lot, when he was sleeping, and listened to records. My favorite son was 'All by Myself' and I would play it over and over.

Vicki was pregnant with twins and about to pop so they spent a lot of time at our house. Mom asked her husband John (Vicki and Shorty divorced shortly after he came home from Vietnam), if he would 'teach' me to drive the Volkswagon. I could have argued with her that I already knew how to drive it, but that would have been pointless.

I didn't really like John much, and he set that in stone when we were driving. He took me down a deserted road, to practicing backing up, and told me to park. He then proceeded to tell me that since Vicki was so pregnant they could not have 'relatons'. He said he always found me so attractive in my short shorts, and he really wanted me to be with him. I started the car, drove home, told him to stay the hell away from me, and never went driving with him again. I didn't tell Mom or Vicki what had happened.

Mom sold the Volkswagon because John told her I would never learn how to drive it. (it was a stick shift), which again, I already KNEW how to drive it.

I asked her why she had sold it, that Dad had promised it to me, and she said I couldn't drive it, that was why I had quit going out with John. That is when I told her what he had said. She told Vicki, and Vicki called me a liar. That was my family for you.

Dad was getting reall bad, and Vicki and John stayed the night one night. Mom said I needed to let them have my bed, and I told her NO. I told her they had a perfectly good bed at home, and I had school, I was NOT giving them my bed. They called me a spoiled brat, but I slept in my Bed.

Dad wanted to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. John was helping him out of the bed and slipped and Dad's arm hit the door jam and snapped. The bone was sticking out. We called the ambulance and he went to the hospital.

Debbie was working as an Aide at the hospital when they brought him in. She worked with a Nurse name Hallie. She was an old Army Nurse and was very set in her ways. Every minute that she had she was in his room. Everyone was always in and out, and obviously just waiting.

One day Debbie over heard Hallie talking to another nurse saying she couldn't understand what all the fuss was about, it was just a broken arm, and Debbie WENT OFF. She asked if Hallie had even bothered to read his chart. She was HIS NURSE she should KNOW he was dying of cancer. She really put that old Army Nurse in her place. I was so proud of her.

It was about a week that he was in the hospital. Everyone was at the house, all the time. Sonnie and Karen had come down, Janie (she was also pregnant) and Skip and their 5 kids were always there. I tried to concentrate at school, but my head was always some place else. He died on Tuesday October 28th, the day after Skips Birthday. I was afraid he would die on his birthday, and that would really make it hard.

Jeff was really sweet during the whole thing. He was at the funeral with me, and really helped me get through it. My 17th birthday was the most solemn birthday I had ever had.

The day after the funeral we all went to Disney World too take Mom's mind off things. Then Everyone went home. Debbie and Buster spent a lot of time with us. Mom was having a hard time adjusting to not having Dad.

Janie had her Baby Girl on November 6ths, the day after my birthday. Vicki had twin boys on the 8th. I was still just being me. I missed Dad, but I had to keep moving.

At the End of November Mom went to Illinois. I had no idea why, I thought it was just to visit and re-group. Later when I found out why she had gone up there, I felt really ashamed. I had been so clueless.

Mom and Dad's wedding anniversay was January 18th. Debbie's birthday was January 17 and Janies Oldest birthday was the 19th. We were afraid to say anything about the birthdays, we didn't want to remind Mom that she was spending her anniversary without Dad.

Money was really tight, and Mom was struggling. I was worried about her, and I prayed about it. One night I had a dream, outside the Choir room, Dad was standing on the side walk. He was dressed in his fishing gear, with his hat that had fish hooks in it. I asked him what he was doing there and he said 'I have a message for your Mother'! He said 'She is really worried about the money, but tell her that she is going to get a check in pink envelope that will take care of everything.' And then he was gone. I never said anything to Mom, but a few weeks later she bought both of us a car, and made the downpayment on a house. She bought furniture and appliances for it and we moved in.

I didn't know if the check had come in a pink envelope or not, I never saw it, but I found out that it was her part of my Grandfathers Estate. He had passed away on December 3rd just after Dad. I was so ashamed that I did not know that until later. I didn't know what she was going through, and why she was struggling so hard.

Life is getting really interesting about now. Join me now for my Junior Year.